Sunday Morning

This is the post excerpt.


The picture below would describe a perfect Sunday morning.  While I am a Christian and have a strong belief that God is in control, I have chosen not to attend church (in the physical sense) today.  An event that shook me to my core occurred in the church building about 2 months ago.  I’ve been in the building two times since then and both times induce anxiety that I hold in until I am alone, then a full blown panic attack ensues.  Discussion of increased security was made, but to my knowledge nothing happened.  The building has no landline phone because “we don’t need one.”  Additionally, it is very rural area and cell coverage is spotty at best.  It took sheriff’s deputies in excess of 15 minutes to get there.  During that time, I was alone in a small room and someone was doing everything possible to get in…every time he hit the door, I thought it would give.  God was watching out for me.  My cousin, who I will always consider my hero, showed up to check on me.  The would be intruder ( and most likely attacker) ran.  My cousin showed up almost 10 minutes before local law enforcement.  I know God was with me during that time.  I also know that God understands my fear of going back in the building where I really believed I would die.


Today I pray for peace for everyone.

I also pray for the courage to reach out and try attending other churches.  I don’t want to hurt my family, but I can’t handle the panic attacks anymore.  They’ve begun to affect all areas of my life.


I had some good days…

I had several good days, and it was odd because they were during the month of April and it was soooo cold here during those good days i had!!!

I really enjoyed feeling good. I went to several baseball games in April and I enjoyed spending time with friends and just having fun.

But with fibromyalgia it seems that the good days are limited. My pain and migraines name back, I did end up seeing a doctor to get a new sumatriptan prescription. It has helped. The doctor was also very sympathetic to my fibromyalgia symptoms and prescribed a couple of other meds for pain and depression. I was very thankful. I wish that particular doctor took appointments instead of working as the head of the walk in clinic. It seems he is always at the clinic, so when I do get sick, I see this doctor just about every time I go to the clinic.

So, I got my migraine taken care of On Sunday. Them Monday happened. And when Monday came around it got me good.

I was cleaning house and working in my living room. I was taking some clean clothes from a rack that somehow got in my living room ..the clothes were going to my closet. I made it to the Hall which had terrazzo flooring and a fell …hard. I heard multiplication me cracking noises. I sprained both wrists and both ankles. The doctor claims I didn’t break anything that she could see.,,but three years ago I walked around on a broken leg for almost 2 weeks before I could convince a doctor that I really thought something was wrong. You see, the injury 3 years ago didn’t cause any bruises or swelling so every doctor I saw refused to X-ray me and gave me the “you’re not getting any pain medicine speech.” Ironically I was only asking (actually begging) for an X-ray and nothing else.

This time when I fell my first thought was that my left tibia had broken through my skin. Once I determined that was not the case, I tried to get up. However with both wrist sprain I was unable to use my arms to push myself up off the floor. I had my cell phone with me and it fell and landed right in front of me. I used the Voice activation feature to call my mother and told her that I had fallen and was unable to move I was basically stuck in the floor.

I have a cousin who lives with me and she was home. I wasn’t crying I was literally screaming for help. My cousin came running up the stairs and had to pick me up out of the floor I couldn’t get up on my own. To say the least it was very humbling, however I am extremely thankful that she was here. Without her I would’ve been stuck in the floor for at least 20 minutes unable to rollover or push myself up.

My mother arrived after about 20 minutes and help me into the core and took me to one of the urgent care clinics in the area. There was no question that something was wrong the doctor immediately ordered x-rays of both wrists ankles feet and legs. I had two of the best nurses I could possibly if I had but the x-ray tech really need to work she doesn’t need to work with patients. She got mad at me because I couldn’t hold my wrists the way she wanted to because it was too painful. so she dropped my arms around until she had him do what she wanted and again I was screaming. The nurses came running into the room to see what was going on they helped me I was thankful. Then it came time to x-ray my ankles I couldn’t hold my feet to where they need to be because of pain and again the x-ray tech got mad and twisted both of my ankles like she wanted them –it made bad pain worse. And to top it off, She x-rayed my patella , but failed to x-ray the top of my TB up with all of the swelling and bruising was so we really don’t know if I have a broken leg or not. The nurse who was wonderful schedule me an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon for next week my guess is I’ll have another round of x-rays and probably another broken tibia.

I’m trying to put a picture of the worst part of my injury.

My orders were to stay off the leg until the specialist sees it and determines if it is broken or not. This injury is much worse than when I broke the same tibia 3 years ago. I can only use my thumb and index finger on my right hand the rest of my fingers are swollen. Also, my left hand is swollen. Both wrists are slightly swollen. They don’t look bad and are probably The least of my injuries, but it hurts to pick things up.

just walking a few steps is extremely painful both of my feet are swollen. The bones in the top of both feet are very sore my ankles are swelling in both or sprained. The ankle sprains are quite bad. But the worst injury is to my left leg it’s bruised from the knee to the ankle and swollen from the knee to the ankle every step hurts and I have extreme muscle pain in both legs. Actually every muscle him joint in my body hurts from that fall.

The specialist didn’t have an open appointment until May 25 I’m hoping for a cancellation so I can get in early. However I’m considering driving to Memphis and going to the Campbell clinic’s walk in after hours clinic. The drive is only an hour and my understanding is the Campbell clinic is one of the best in terms of orthopedic work.

Sincw I already had torn Cartilage in the left knee and needed surgery to repair it I’ve decided to go ahead with the surgery as soon as possible. And, if I’m really honest with myself, I would be much more comfortable having the procedure done at the Campbell clinic.

I have a very happy intolerance and I’m hoping the surgery can be done outpatient and I would like to be able to go home the same day. I’m also hoping to have this done as soon as possible. I’m a college professor and I’m off until the Tuesday after Memorial Day. Then I’m back teaching summer school for five weeks; I would really like surgery before I start summer school. And I’m the surgery before I do my traveling in July I have a 10 day trip to the West Coast and I’ve never been there. I want to be able to enjoy the trip, walk everywhere, and have fun.

I and praying for a quick doctor appointment, quickly scheduled surgery, and a fast and easy recovery. I would appreciate your prayers, too.

I can really say Monday was a true Monday if it could go wrong it did. But on the bright side things have been getting better every day. I’m planning trips, i’m putting a small aboveground pool in my backyard, and I’m finally getting proper treatment for fibromyalgia.

Last, but definitely not least, i’m looking into online medical services. i’ve noticed several reputable companies that offer online doctor visits and family practice some specialties and mental health in psychiatry. Making time for a doctor appointment has been very difficult for me lately between my work and my family it seems that if I do take time to go to the doctor it’s ours everyone else’s schedule completely off. I’m going to try the online appointments and see how they go. I’m going to try tomorrow to set up an appointment due to the fact that every muscle in my body still hurts and a muscle relaxer would be a true welcome relief for me right now additionally when I get nervous at each horribly and my doctor has always prescribed him this drill or hydroxyzine for that however I have run out and both medicines on the heater not controlled so hopefully they’re eligible for the online doctor programs. Once I’ve tried the online programs our porch back and let you know how they go and also let you know how the cost compared to regular clinic visit.

Currently my mental health provider doesn’t take insurance my Nishell appointment was $195 and he traditional monthly appointment is $65. Specialists have a $55-$75 dollar copay when I see them in office. Also if I go to an urgent care clinic I have a $35 co-pay, and a basic walk-in clinic or to see a primary care physician is a $30 co-pay. And the most expensive one the emergency room has a co-pay of $175. Everything I’ve read about the online medicine clinic’s say I can use any pharmacy in my area or in my state actually, so it appears that my prescriptions would be covered by insurance and most of my generics are less than five dollars each. A few generics have a $10 or 15 copay. However, if no generic is available the co-pay is typically $80-$100.

I really do hope that the online medical appointments work out it would save me so much time for some of the smaller things. Everything I’ve read says they don’t prescribe any type of scheduled medication, but I really take scheduled medications anyway I have to be really injured and usually it’s only for a day or two. I am hoping it will help with my every day medications (and with fibromyalgia there are quite a few that I need daily to have a quality of life). me getting my maintenance medication so much easier and possibly save me quite a bit of money on co-pays. I currently take A beta blocker that helps prevent migraines, an anti-nausea medication, and a Triptan for when I do get a full blown migraine attack. Then I have 7 or 8 medications for fibromyalgia. There’s only one I take daily. The others are used only when I have a major flare up.

Even with fibromyalgia, I still have a good life. My recent injury has slowed me down, but I plan to continue to attend as many baseball games as I can this summer, plus I have a list of other trips (beach, mountains, museums,etc) I plan to take. And, my real friends understand that I’l have to modify my activities sometimes, but I’m still going to try to live a full life and the best possible life.

Feeling Almost Normal

Even with the rain, I feel almost normal…or at least as close to normal as I have been in a long time.

I’m not in a lot of pain. My knee with the bone spurs hurts some, but not like it was hurting. My migraines and tension headaches haven’t been acting up. Fibromyalgia has its moments, but it’s more fatigue than pain.

I’m tired and need a few days to rest, but I don’t have time to take off and do it, so I’m pushing forward doing only what is necessary until life either slows down or my body just resists 100% and makes me stop.

My brain say go…my body says slow down. I’m trying both and hoping to keep the pain from coming back.

Happy Monday

So, I woke up and have decided that the cortisone shot worked somewhat for my knee. I’m doing the walk across Tennessee challenge and the bone spur in my knee is NOT going to stop me.

Let me start by saying I avoid surgery at all costs. I would rather face quartet cortisone shots than have knee surgery. I’m hoping that I can do a series of cushioning shots in the knee joint and open the space up some.

Fibromyalgia is still kicking me in the behind, but it’s not keeping me down…it might make me slow down and do only what is necessary, but I will win against fibromyalgia.

Seems my insomnia went away around midnight or one this morning. I’ll admit there was one thing I hadn’t thought to try. There has been a man in my life for awhile. He, like a couple of friends husband/boyfriends have been working out of the country for a couple of months because the pay is considerably more than they make here. It’s not the safest area, but the contract work pays really well. All of them will be returning to the states between mid April and the first week in May. It’s difficult for all of us, but we know that financially, we will all be in better places.

So back to insomnia and sleep. This man, that I dearly love called last night during one of my tossing, turning, I can’t sleep times. We talked for 10 minutes and just hearing his voice took away the insomnia and I was able to sleep for six straight hours. It was the best sleep. I’ve talked to him this morning (evening for him) and told him about it. He’s promised to call every night until he’s home just so his voice is the last thing I hear as I’m going to sleep. All I can say is I love this man with all I have. He’s smart, caring, committed, and doing all he can to complete this assignment and come home.

He took the contract when he found that nutrition infusions and vitamin and mineral packed shots helped my fibromyalgia. I didn’t intend for him to find that my insurance didn’t cover them, but he did find out. Over time the shots alone get expensive, he’s self employed here with a couple of employees who are handling things here. And he’s there because he’s determined the expense of my medical care not cause me financial distress. I can’t let him pay for the shots, though he thinks he’s going to. 😎

But if he wants to save what he’s making while overseas, then he can. I think using it as a down payment on our dream home would be perfect. I laughed when he said he wanted me to design the kitchen just how I wanted it. I HATE cooking and he knows it. After we laughed about that, he said I was responsible for deciding exactly how I wanted the bathrooms and home offices… now we’re talking my domain. I’m designing them down to the furniture. We’re designing everything else together. Just for the record…master bath…tub with air jets, separate walk in shower with multi-shower heads (basically a spa shower, two large walk-in closets on opposite sides of the master bath accessible from the bath and bedroom, large (and by that I mean huge) vanity area with two sinks, perfectly fitting mirror over them, compartmentalized toilet, closed off from the rest of the are. Heated floors, warming towel racks. Oh…I’m get dibs on the mud room/laundry room too. I actually like to do laundry. I want an organized space for things when you walk in the door. I don’t want the laundry room visible, so it will be closed off. Still thinking on exactly what I want there.

I really got off topic…I’ll get another vitamin/mineral shot today. He calls and checks on me when he knows their due. At first it felt somewhat controlling and I’m not going to be controlled. Then I skipped a couple and realized when he checked in, he wasn’t mad or disappointed. He was more worried that either I could afford to pay for them, or I felt too bad to drive to the clinic to get them. It changed my mindset a lot. I realized then that he wanted what was best for me and he wants me well.

So, at 2:30 today, I will get shot number 3 of this series. I get them in series of 5 and then move up to a stronger version. Then we move back down level by level. In groups of 5. There are 5 levels, so I have several of these to go.

Until later…

And My Saga Continues

For those of you who have read my blog, you know that I deal with chronic migraines, fibromyalgia, a pineal gland cyst, insomnia, fatigue and chronic pain.

At the beginning of March my doctors confirmed a lump in my left breast. It has me so on edge that my work is suffering. I teach at a community college and in the last month I’ve ran out of class in tears due to fear, I’ve became nauseated to the point I was sick in class, and I’ve dealt with anxiety attacks and tried to hold things together so my students don’t see the scared to death ready to burst into tears at any time Professor they have to spend 3 hours a week with,

I am seeing a mental health NP who prescribed antidepressants and anxiety medication. I honestly can tell that I’m taking antidepressants. The one thing that seems to calm me down are the anxiety medications and they are very short acting. I have to plan the times I want to have some semblance of control.

My pineal cyst has grown and shifted. That isn’t helping either.

Then today, after injuring my left knee 3 times in 10 days, I decided I needed an X-ray. I have bone spurs in my left knee. The doctor who read the X-rays said it made here physically sick to see the condition of my knee via X-ray and that she wS pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to handle seeing anMRI of the area. She sent me home with a prescription for Mobile (which I’ve repeated said I can’t take because it causes some of the worst nausea I’ve ever dealt with. I started to question it, but decided it would be best if I didn’t. I also gotta referral to a specialist.

This latest just has me more anxious. I can’t think straight…but blogging puts it into perspective. I’m a wreck…I’m dealing with chronic illness, a cyst in my brain, a lump in my breast and bone spurs in my knee.

I know others have a tougher time, but there had to be some way to keep me calm and relaxed when it feels like my body is falling apart. My anxiety is a 10 out of 10 and my pain is a 10 out of 10.

For the record I’m in bed…at 6:55 on Sunday night. How do I get the help I really need right now?

Until next time…

Another Weekend of Rain Means Another Weekend of Pain

Since being diagnosed with chronic migraines, I’ve actually had fewer of them. No medication changes, I’ve just had more days without migraines than with them. Maybe it just took getting some answers. I really don’t know…I’m also not complaining.

I am still dealing with a fibromyalgia flare. I hate these things. My arms and legs ache relentlessly. My hands hurt and my feet, well they hurt too. Fibromyalgia pain also affects my neck and back, mostly down my spine.

It got so bad yesterday that I left work at 10:30 AM, came home and went straight to bed. I stayed there until 8:00 this morning. When I did get up, it felt like I had pulled muscles in both my upper and lower back. It still feels that way. I also fell…again and landed on my left knee again. That’s three times in less than two weeks. It’s like my balance is off and the top of my left foot goes numb. It probably needs to be checked out, but being a fibromyalgia patient, just about everything gets blamed on that.

I’ll go tomorrow and see if I can get the knee X-ray done. It just plain hurts at a level that even I cant describe. And I need it better…baseball seasons underway and a little boy depends on me to be there for his games and practices…and to take him to see college games, minor league games, and major league games. I don’t have time for knee pain.

I’m dealing with insomnia. And if I am lucky enough to get a couple of hours of sleep, I wake feeling exhausted, sometimes even more tired than before I went to sleep.

If I get enough solid sleep, my fibromyalgia symptoms aren’t as bad. When I go without sleep, I feel horrible. Exhaustion kicks in and I can’t think straight. There has to be a solution. The problem is that every doctor I’ve dealt with in the last three or four years just don’t get it. They all seem to think that Tylenol for pain and benedryl for sleep are the answer. OTC options just don’t work. Do doctors really think we don’t try the OTC options before spending our money on a medical visit copay??? I mean really, I tell you I’ve slept a total of 5 hours over the last three days and my pain level is 9 out of 10 and you recommend Tylenol and benedryl???? You’ve got to be kidding me. When I get that kind of response,I know the doctor is insulting my intelligence.

I don’t know what it will take for those of us with chronic illnesses that involve pain, insomnia, fatigue, migraines, etc to get through to the medical professionals and politicians (and even the general public),but I think we need to try. I truly believe that if a medical professional or politician (or their loved ones) lived my life for 24 hours, they would see things differently and maybe be sympathetic to our illness. But until they do, it’s up to us to advocate for ourselves.

My one voice might not be heard. But if we all joined together…we would be strong. Stronger than the medical community that undertreats is, stronger than the politicians who think they need to control what medications we take, stronger than insurance companies, stronger than government agencies. If we stand together, we can do anything.

Now, I need help finding relief from fibromyalgia symptoms. Do any of my readers have any great suggestions…doctors that understand fibromyalgia (I live I. TN, but could easily travel to Missouri, Indiana Kentucky, Georgia, Alabama or Mississippi if there’s a great doctor. I would also like to know how you get through the pain and fatigue of each day and if you use any natural or alternative medical treatments.

I’m quickly falling victim to a flare that seems worse than most and I need your help. I’m open to all suggestions.

Until next time….

What Would You Do?

Pain really took over yesterday..

I’m fine right now, yesterday was a true nightmare. I had a migraine that I should have had treated. I also had all over body pain. In all seriousness, I live in an area where doctors will suggest Tylenol or Advil. That’s it. I’m lucky to have muscle relaxers, but if the government agencies ever decided to make them scheduled, I’d spend most of my day in bed.

I work full time and try to lead a semblance of a normal life, but everyday, a little part seem to slip away. I have migraines…frequently, and I’m not prescribed a rescue medicine for them. I do take a preventive (it’s a joke…4 days a week of migraines while taking a preventive).

I have a lot of pain. That’s not treated either except for my muscle relaxer that allows me to sleep about 4 hours at night. Insomnia…that’s the rest of the night. And the fatigue, I’m always tired. I haven’t actually been shopping at Walmart or Target or even a mall in almost a year. I just don’t have the energy after work.

Oh, and my house, a mess.

I have a question for you…are there any doctors sympathetic to patients like me…tradtional or alternative medical practitioners…I’ll travel across the county for hel.

Oh…did I mention this morning isn’t to bad…which is why I think I could travel😊

If Only I Could Be Pain Free

I’m 2 days without migraine pain and that’s a good thing. But I’m still dealing with fibromyalgia. The fatigue is worse than the pain. After the migraine days I’ve had, fibromyalgia pain is easy to deal with.

Fatigue is difficult. I have a full schedule and want to keep it, but my body tires out to the point that I have to back off and only do the things that are absolutely necessary.

Today, absolutely necessary means I go to work and my medical appointment. Nothing more, nothing less. There are other things I would like to do, but they will get pushed aside, waiting for a better day.

All in all, I’m thankful because I can still work and have enough sick leave built to get me to at least an official early retirement. It’s not always easy, but I’m not ready to back down yet.